Saturday, February 14, 2004
¤¤P!pH088!7¤¤ (>u__u)> "I'm so tired of being here..." shinigami-cosplay.vze.com says:
made you wait for nothing, huh -_-
I guess that was Michael's problem.
I didn't kiss him. I didn't grind with him. I didn't grope him, and I sure as hell didn't let him grope me. He paid more attention to other girls. I still loved him anyway. He got bored and left. And I still loved him anyway.
Damn, he's a liar.
Slef
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Well! Today was a waste of a Saturday. =D
After staying online until 5 a.m. (chatting and stuffs. Don't ask. I'm crazy. >_>), I somehow woke up at 9 o'clock this morning. I wasn't groggy like I usually am, and I guess you could say I was still a bit wired from the night before. Dudes - staring at a computer screen in the dark at 5 in the morning really wires your brain...plus it's practically a scene straight of the Matrix, which makes you out to be a creepy Andrew-wannabe.
But anyhow, I got up and was...awake. If that makes sense. I lay around in bed thinking a bit, then grabbed the laptop and went online, just like I swore I wouldn't do when I went to bed the night before.
"I'm doing all my homework TODAY."
Pshhht. Right. XD
Nobody was online, so I started surfing around a bit...logged off. Practiced on the piano. Helped make lunch. Blah blah blah. We were supposed to go to Chinese school today, but didn't. The cut-off date for quitting school for good was (Slef: coincidentally) last week. Stupid little fsckers. >.>
When I was online today, Nat started complaining...well not really complaining--
Slef: Giving us shit? XD
Err. Well, "expressing her dislike" concerning Thursday's blogger entry. She said I shouldn't judge her character by using something she said (err, I'm paraphrasing, so it's nonsensical ^_^;;;), to which I said I was sorry, which I was. But something kept making me think--
Slef: ^_______________________^
-_- ...kept making me think, "What else did you want me to do?" I think I've mentioned it already a few entries back (probably in the archives by now) that every tiny little thing you do effects the way I think about you. That includes things like the way you eat and talk, and things like that. It's a bit meticulous and somewhat pointless, but I guess it's just the way I am. o_o
Anyway, I'm warning you guys now (this covers all my future blogs) that there WILL be bashing in here sometimes. Sorry if it means whacking you upside the head, but if I feel/felt badly about you or something you did, then that's how I felt. Point finale; if you have any problems just leave a message ont he tag board. Yeah, sorry if I'm being a little harsh or if this offends you or something. Slef has been influencing me lately. >.>
Slef: *is the little devil on my shoulder* Luckily, she has no little angel. =D
I'm going to try my hardest not to bash too much.
Slef: *bashing a barbie doll* Awww, that's no fun. =(
Anyway, like I said earlier in this post, I wanted to maybe finish my homework today so I can relax tomorrow. But SOMEONE...
Slef: Who, me? ^_^ *whispers* Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? =D
...was telling me to "Chat, chat, chat! Surf, surf, surf!" so here I am now. Actually, now that I come to think of it. Slef is probably an excuse for me to blame someone else for my own laziness and lack of willpower. XD
Anyway...recently (that means day before yesterday or around) I was talking to Justin on MSN and when he left, he said (weirdly) "bye bye andrea." Ah, the memories that echoed endlessly in the deep abyss of my mind. Some that maybe I would have liked to put away for the time being, because they were memories of something so utterly ridiculous and idiotic that I'd like to think that I never thought them up.
So it struck me as a bit odd that he would say that to me. The first thing that came to mind was that maybe he said it because he read my old blog entries, which was a pretty abstract thought now that I think of it. Anyway, afterwards he told me it was because I said Alec said "bye bye andrea" to me. We were laughing about it a bit, and strangely enough, he asked if I was going to write in my blog that he said it too. Well, I suppose it isn't terribly strange, but I foudn it kind of weird.
After he told me why he said "bye bye", he said that he'd been reading through my old entries, and that I "said Alec in like, every line lol". So when he asked me if I was writing "'bye bye Andrea,' Justin said weirdly" in my blog, my first thought was:
Slef: WAIT UNTIL I WRITE IT FIRST! O_O
Err, no. my first thought was "Why would we want me to remember this particular moment in history?" Is it because...when Alec said it, I thought it was a big deal and wrote it down because I liked him? Did Justin want me to like him? XD Probably my over-active mind, doy. Nat's probably going to make a giant Baka Hammer and bash me over the head with it. XD
Anyway...that is my blog for today I guess. Happy Faye's day everyone! ^_^
TF
Saturday, February 14, 2004
My new layout is back by popular demand (aka people thought my new one was crap XD). Whee!
Anyway, today was a PED day and like I usually do on ped days, I slept in until noon. Yup! I had a very nice sleep today. ^_^ My alarm, since I was way too lazy to turn it off last night, started going on at around 6:32 a.m., as usual. Pinky jumped up on my bed and tried to wake me up by walking all over me...It's weird because it's almost as if he knew that usually I get up that early on weekdays, or that he knew the alarm was to wake me up. Or maybe he just wanted food, I don't know.
Ater turning off my alarm and pushing Pinky off the bed (did I do that? I don't remember XD), I rolled back to sleep until around 7, when Mo left for work. After I slept until 11:30 and I stayed up until noon, just about when I realized Adrian was over and I was still rolling around in bed in my pyjamas. ^_^;;
I'm not sure why I didn't get out of bed earlier, if I was already awake. I even had my sketchbook and stuff put on the side because I knew I would want to draw when I got up. I was probably either...
1) overly groggy, which is probably the case, or
2) thinking about something, which I forgot.
Anyway, last night I had a really weird dream that Cat and I were twins. We were little muffin wrappers (you know, the little paper things at the bottom of cupcakes and whatnot?) and we were in the NHL, playing a game for the championship or something. We were at the last game...the one that decided who was going to be the national champion. All of our team members were out (is that possible? XD) and the opposing team was shooting at us. It was just the two of us guarding the net - two lonely little muffin wrappers. Then we were communicating using kinesis, and we teamed together and blocked the puck! The buzzer sounded! The crowd cheered! I think we high fived even though we had no hands! =D! And we were the champions.
BUT. Back to the real world. I put some pants on, because I knew Adrian was pouncing around and that eventually he would come into my room and ask for something. Next thing I know, he ran into my room to ask if I wanted some oatmeal for breakfast (actually I was just about to roll out of bed to get changed, but I fell asleep again or something like that XD).
Nothing really happened afterwards...I got up, brushed my teeth, went online...Then Mo came home at 3 (yeah...that means being online for three hours and nothing happening -_-;;).
We got lost on the way to the ortho appointment, had a crap time while we were there, and then went to a lighting store to look for ceiling lamps. We're renovating the basement. Hope it turns out nice! =D!
Anyway....(looks at todays post) That's a lot of crap! And all to say that slept a lot, chat a lot and then went out to run errands! =D!
I've got all the crap I need for the dumb science project. Now if only I had the outline for the essay. @_@ Did you know that the ammolite is a semi-prescious stone, and is one of the only three organic stones in the world? It's made when the shell of an ammonite, a cephalopod that lived 70 million years ago in the upper cretasceous period, is fossilized. The only living relative of the ammonite is the Nautilus, a mollusk that lives in the Pacific and Indian Ocean! Um. Yeah. Too much information...brain is fried. XD
TF
Friday, February 13, 2004
WAI! I've set up a new layout. It features Gunner Yuna from Final Fantasy X-2, and the background is an altered version of one of the old wallpapers I made. ^_^! This one took me all day to make, since my HTML is pretty limited and I had absolutely no idea what I wanted this to look like. I managed to make it in a way that you could read my blog without needing to scroll down, but that meant no cool quotes or poems on the sides. ;-; No side menus either, which makes for a very simple, straight forward layout.
Anyway, this is my first layout I made by myself! About 95% of the HTML is my own (my old layout was made almost entirely of stolen HTML...hee. ^_^), and a real [censored] to make. >_>
Weehee! I'm going to go do my science project now. X_X Ammolite!
Friday, February 13, 2004
Thursday, February 12, 2004
Okay. Part two of today's blog...
Maybe this one will go a bit more in-depth in terms of emotional side of today (didn't I just go over that? -_-). Well, I suppose we all must please the public (coughLaure-Annecough). I guess that also since I know no one is really going to read this entry, I can go footloose and fancy free! =D!
The day before yesterday (I know this is going back a bit, but bear with me), Nat was talking to Justin on MSN. Not really something unusual or extraordinary...um, am I sure I want to write this? ^_^;; Anyway...I came online and the first thing (I think, my memory has gone awry) Justin says to me is, "You like Alec?"
I had absolutely no idea where he "obtained this information" from (god, I sound like Andrew now. Please shoot me.) so I asked him. Err, actually I'm not quite sure what I said but apparently I asked him, because in the end I found myself talking to Nat and asking her what she had said to him. She copy-and-pasted their conversation and it went something sort of like this (damn, that sounds corny):
...
Actually I forget, but they ended up saying something like (err, I lost the conversation so I'm paraphrasing...sorry if it's inaccurate);
Nat: They always get mad when I make fun of Alec.
Justin: What do you mean?
Nat: They always glare at me when I say something bad about him.
Nat: You know, Andy used to like Alec, eh?
Err. Or something to that effect, anyway. So by the time I had signed on he was already asking me whether I was still infatuated with Alec. Which I wasn't, but he didn't know that fact until I told him.
I really couldn't believe Nat had told him that. It really pissed me off that I had placed enough trust in her to tell her something secret yet she somehow found that it was "alright" to go off and tell people about my private life. Though I suppose I've done it to her too. =
Anyway, the next morning (eh, I think that was yesterday) it seemed like maybe Justin was uncomfortable with talking to me (or maybe it was a figment of imagination, purely fictional; pulled out randomly from the mind of a fantasist like me. Who knows?). It was either that or I was the one feeling a bit awkward, though I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.
If you really think about it, Justin has hated Alec since the beginning. One of my best friends just told Justin one of my "deep-dark-I-don't-want-to-bring-this-up-again" secrets about a certain someone named Alec. Is it really surprising if maybe we were both feeling a bit awkward?
Anyway, maybe it was just because I was still feeling a bit upset about this incident that the next day I was fed up with Nat. She was being rude when Anastasia came to say hi at lunch (I'm not very close to her, but that isn't a reason to be impolite) for absolutely no reason. She wasn't angry or upset at all (unlike when people are angry and blow up...that isn't the same as going out of your own way to put someone down). She was being extremely immature and brattish (sorry if you read this Nat...I was angry at the time, though my opinion has still not changed) so I went upstairs to put my wallet in my locker. I didn't tell anyone where I was going or what I was doing, but there really wasn't a need anyway. As long as I was away from the table and out of the cafeteria it was fine by me.
I guess it took up most of the day to cool off from the night before. I wasn't angry, just extra sensitive and a bit edgy. I doubt anyone noticed, but that's how I felt.
Anyhow...I read over my last post and that little muck about Michael and "all the things he did to me." I'm such a whiner. XD
But it bothers me. Maybe that's what it feels like to be dumped. You feel like garbage. Dumped garbage. I'm garbage.
Anywho, I should probably go to bed by now. (Yawn) It's 11:50 (yeah, the clock on this blog is wrong. Stupid thing) and I have an ortho appointment tomorrow. This sucks. Real bad. X_X
OH! I was looking up pics from Kiddy Grade and found a picture of this person...I don't know her name but I want to cosplay as her...if you know her name, can you please write it in the tagboard? (That means you, Sauron! I mean - Nat and Justin >_>).
Thursday, February 12, 2004
Thursday, February 12, 2004
(sigh) Sorry for the lack of blogging...I haven't blogged in four months and I'm way too lazy to write up a whole bunch of drama and crap, so I'll skip right to today. First off:
I should take the link to my blog off my MSN profile. -_-;;
Joey Van der Hayden (I'm not sure of the spelling. Sorry if it's wrong ^_^;;) read it, so I'm just kinda hoping he never went back into my old archives to read my old entries. o_o Why? Because of:
1) My entries on Alec (DAMN I can't believe I wrote all that. It's amazing what kind of crap you think when you're completely blinded by pure infatuation)
2) My two or three entries on Dustin...but I swear that was only because I had some weird dream. And it wasn't even a smutty dream or anything.
So anyway...Between November and now (that would be February X_X) Nat, Ari and I went to Chinatown and Justin came too...I was a bit surprised because he seems to be...not a completely different person, but different in a way I can't really describe. Somehow when he's with people at school, he seems to be a bit more crass, I suppose. He's a bit more rude...well, not really rude, but a bit lacking in terms of politeness and table manners. (P.S.: Sorry if you're reading this, Justin. I didn't mean to insult you or anything. Just personal opinion O_o)
Or maybe it was just because Nat's mom was with us and he didn't want to come across as loud, immature and boyish? Anyway, our trip to Chinatown that time felt entirely different because he was there. Usually there's only three of us, but now that there is a fourth person - not to mention a male counterpart, but in anycase...I guess that maybe the extra bit of testosterone in the environment changed us a bit.
Anyway, lots and lots of stuff going on. I registered on Gaia, which is great since the bb.net forum shut down. It's kind of a pity...it was a nice little sort of community.
AHHH anyway. >.< I keep going on about unimportant things. One main idea I want to get through is that I DON'T LIKE ALEC ANYMORE! I'd like deny it and say that I never did, but the blog entries are right there in the archives and I'm too lazy to delete them. ^_^ Ah, the undeniable, irreversible truth that is the past.
Today, since Saturday is Faye's day (P.S.: That's my new word for Valentine's day. No stealie-stealie, alright? XD), they were selling pink Faye's day cards like they did last year. They came by during English to hand them out; Justin was sitting next to me. He kept watching and watching as they called out the people who had cards, and I wondered whether he was waiting for one...maybe just expecting one from somebody, judging by the way he was so intently staring.
Out of nowhere I heard my name. I raised an eyebrow and picked up my card...Poor Justin didn't get one. Anyway, I opened my card and it was from Michael. I knew he did it to be nice; I mean, he sent one to practically everyone...but it made me angry. Depressed. Upset. I'm not sure what I was feeling. I guess it made me think of all the things he did to me. Like somehow it was okay to be nice to me now and not before...? I don't know. I felt like he was mocking me in some way, and it bothers me because now that I think of it, I can't really think of why I was upset. Maybe I just got the impression that he thought I was just another person in his life...another bump in the road, not anything really important or life altering, I guess.
Oh. I just had a thought. Why didn't Justin get a card, anyway? Not even from a friend? He has tons of friends, why didn't they send him any?
"It's nice to have friends, but if they aren't good to you what's the point...?"
I'm not sure why, but I find myself thinking about that a lot nowadays...Anyway, byee! I need to let Justin read this now. >_>