Friday, April 23, 2004
"Now that the first piece of sky has fallen and landed on my head I realize that the world I knew is crumbling around me. The tightly knit net of trust, friendship and love has now become unraveled by the tug of a simple thread of betrayal - a tangled mess of mixed priorities all trying to free themselves of each other.
At the end of each thread there is person: friends, partners, family...myself included. And with each attempt to untangle them, I find my fingers caught tighter and tighter.
It is now that I feel like Alice, falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. A dark, unknown place where no matter what one does one still falls further and further down. A place of dark obscurity and helplessness that eventually leads to somewhere obscene and absurd..."
Journal Entry: Saturday March 13th 2004
"Why do they hate me so? Why do these tears fall from my face - the salty spring of my sadness, ever flowing? A fountain of regret - ever cold, never freezing? Burning?
What is it that drives them to act so coldly against me?
Like a chill, winter's wind... Run from me?
Like a nervous, fleeting glance... Why is it that the past's happiness has become the present's burden? What was the last drop -
Tear... -that broke the dam?
Overflowing... The rope that snapped -
Patience... -and set the beast free?
Anger... The love I have -
Justin... -that let them go?
Abandoning...
Nat, Ari, Sam...especially Nat...I'm really sorry for whatever I did. I must be a blind fool for not even being able to see what it was that I have done.
